Shoes

So sometimes, adult conversation retreats into the world of metaphor. I have no idea why this is but the other Sunday was one such occasion. K, A and I went into Bath for a bit of fresh air and a coffee and a catch up. My single love-life (or mostly lack thereof) is always of interest to the happily married K & A. They seem to enjoy my 'hilarious' (their word, not mine - not much of my love-life is that funny to me) stories of the things that happen in my world and, in return, they love to regale me with their advice. (NB: I will point out at this point that ALL my friends, without exception, like to give me advice. Most of the time I quite like it. Sometimes I listen, but a lot of the time I don't - I have a petulant teenage streak a mile wide). Anyway, this sunny Sunday was no exception. K advises me, as we drink our coffee in some chic pavement café (well, you never know who might be paying attention), that I should view dating like buying shoes. I should try on lots and lots of different pairs before settling on the most comfortable fit – apparently. Hmmmmm.

'I think what you need Michelle, is a nice, sensible, reliable pair of Clarks shoes. You know where you are with Clarks', K tells me.

'Uh.......no I bloody do not! WTF?!'

'But when was the last time you looked in Clarks?'

'Um – never? And can I just say that I'm more than a little insulted that you think that Clarks is remotely my style?'

'Michelle, Michelle.....it's not so much that Clarks is your style....I'm just trying to suggest you wear something more, well, appropriate. The last pair of shoes you wore for any length of time were totally unsuitable. They may have looked nice, but they gave you blisters and bunions galore. The heels were too high, they were far too pointed and frankly, you would never have been able to wear them for long. You know that. No, what you need now is a sensible, hard-wearing pair of shoes. Comfort is paramount.'

Now, I don't really find this funny. She's right, the last pair of shoes I was trying on weren't wholly suitable. But for the time I wore them, they felt pretty damn good actually and I really, really liked wearing them. Plus, they looked damned fine. And, if I'm being honest, I was kinda hoping I may just be able to break them in to being more suitable, a bit more reliable, certainly more comfortable and more my style, or I'd become theirs... such is the dreamworld that I often live in. I rather foolishly got more attached than was recommended to the inappropriate shoes and I know that K's talking sense.

Even so, the thought of Clarks.....are you serious?

A chips in at this point:

'Michelle, it's not so much the brand or design of shoes that you're considering. It's the fact that we're concerned that you don't even try them on. You see them in the window, think they look nice and suddenly have them on your feet preparing to do a 20 mile walk in them'.

Well....OK...maybe he has a point.... Obviously, I've never meant to do that. I'm a grown woman who's been around for, let's face it, a little while and shoes are shoes after all. They don't last forever and you only wear certain styles for certain occasions. I thought I knew that....but it's becoming apparent that I may not. I thought I was able to see the pretty party shoes for what they were, fun to wear on the odd social occasion but no use for everyday wear (unless of course, you're willing to put up with the painful blisters and frankly, I've had enough of those to last me a lifetime). Even so – Clarks? Really? Is this all that's left for me now?

I'm beginning to tire of this 'shoe' conversation (and by the way, why exactly are we talking like this? Is it somehow easier to tell me off about my shocking choice of men if they don't actually say the words? God knows, but I appear to be going with it....!)

'OK, OK Michelle. Maybe Clarks would be a bit too...well....old and boring' (Uh – yes it would thank you very much!) 'But how about considering a Timberland or a Rockport? Or maybe something like Dune – they have some lovely boots?'

'Just remember Michelle, you don't have to keep the first pair you try on. There are plenty of pairs of suitable footwear available for you. You have really lovely feet – any shoes would be lucky to be worn by you'.

I think we may just have gone too far now. There really is no reason for us to be talking in riddles about shoes – we're not spies. But for K, A and for me, it seems somewhat easier to give and listen to this sage advice if it's said in code. What is with that?? Maybe the words 'Michelle, you're frankly, just a bit crap at this 'men' lark' are just a little too brutal?

I've been left with some food for thought. They both have a point, nerves have been touched etc etc. I assure them that I'll bear it in mind the next time I'm 'shopping'. And I will. For a bit anyway. The draw of beautiful, uncomfortable party shoes is somehow a little too great... What I can assure myself (and everyone else for that matter) that I won't be doing however, is gazing longingly into the window at Clarks.

As for those inappropriate shoes that were too pointed, with heels that were too high, that gave me blisters and bunions galore....Would I wear them again?? Given the chance (which I won't be – nobody panic!) of course I would! Every time! Like I said, I have a petulant teenage streak a mile wide.... :)