Good friends, good times

I can't leave it too long after my last blog post to raise a metaphorical glass to my friends. I am just about the luckiest person alive to have actually the best friends ever created. Fact.

I mentioned last time that I don't suffer fools, that I've cut people out of my world for some fairly minor misdemeanours. Ha! Luckily, my friends – old and new – do appear to have infinite time for fools....well, this fool at least. They have been so much more patient with me than I ever would've been. I am in awe at their ability to refrain from banging my head against a wall as they listen to yet another tale of ridiculous behaviour (all remarkably similar too I'm afraid). I am forever grateful that each one of them waited patiently for the real Michelle to start to re-emerge from the proper rubbish imitation I've been for a while.

Some of these friends have been around since I was a baby (honestly....Hey TJ!), some I collected throughout my childhood - at school and other such places, some through my teenage years. I've collected a fair few during my working life in the various offices and departments I worked in, some came to me as friends of friends. I've made friends at the school gates, at evening classes – just about everywhere really. And it never ceases to surprise me that, just when I think I won't ever make any new friends, that actually, I have enough already, new ones crop up. I started my new job believing I already had all the friends I would ever make.......stupid woman! There are some pretty amazing pals there too.

So, my friends are a vital part of my world. And I have so many things to look forward to sharing with them; a girl's night out with much catching up and many laughs, a sunny weekend in Cornwall, shared sangria in Gran Canaria, plentiful birthday celebrations, silliness at work, picnics in the park, brunches and lunches in Bristol, pub lunches and dog walking, chatting and tea/coffee/wine/vodka on a brand new balcony, NYC....maybe (go on, you know you want to...!) – the list is endless.

So, here's to them.

Cheers. I  you all. :o)

I think that's enough now...

Right. That's it.

One of my oldest (in that I've known her for years and years; not that she's elderly...) friends LJ said something to me the other week that made me stop in my tracks. 'Michelle, I'd like my friend back please. Where is she? I miss her'.

That, it has to be said, was like a knife twisting in my heart (yeah, yeah, I'm a drama queen. Get over it).

Seriously though, the last couple of years have been pretty tough in my world and at times it's taken every ounce of energy I have just to get out of bed. In the words of that very dear friend, LJ; at times it hurt just to breathe. (See, drama is my middle name).

Don't get me wrong, there have also been some very good times, some very fun times and some pretty exciting times. However, more recently, I think the general consensus among my nearest and dearest is that I've behaved in a rather un-Michelle like fashion. Let me explain...

I think I've mentioned in previous blogs that I have a petulant teenage streak a mile wide. Well, somehow, that's got buried under a rather passive and at times, frankly pathetic creature who's been taken for a ride, used as a verbal punch-bag and let some people treat her pretty badly. In short, I have, at points during these past two years, behaved like the sort of women I hate. Desperate, needy, weak ones. And I loathe this. Really.

Now, some of this behaviour has allowed me to regale my friends with some pretty amusing stories it has to be said (S even remarked to me one evening 'Michelle, your soliloquies are hilarious! You really should write this stuff down!' ….and so a blog was born! Ta Da! See, every cloud.....)

There are many reasons for this out of character behaviour which I won't bore world-wide-web land with now, but believe me, this is not me. Not at all. I don't suffer fools and I've cut people out of my life for much lesser behaviour (like continually buying the same clothes as me – what's that about?? or not putting enough effort into our friendship – yes really. I know. Who the Hell do I think I am eh?). And mildly amusing anecdotes aside, I'm beginning to feel pretty stupid.

Well, adding to my woes, I'm facing a pretty significant birthday which appears to be hurtling towards me at an alarming speed. I'm not impressed by this. Neither am I pleased. Nor excited. Quite honestly, I could do without it. But as my brother and the lovely H point out, shouldn't this be a turning point? This should be the time surely where I say 'no more' to being a verbal punch-bag, to being taken for a ride, to behaving as though I'm desperate, needy and weak (when in fact I am none of those things and never have been). This should be the time where I say actually, I'm about to turn the big mumblemumble-0. This is where I get my real life back. After all, this is where life's supposed to begin....isn't it?

I've also just got off the phone with EJ. She's had a pretty rough year too, but she's taking control, getting her life back in hand. Her actual words were I believe; 'Fuck 'em, Michelle. Fuck 'em all'. And I think she has a point.

And C, K, BJM, TJ, L, EJ, LJ and all my other friends (I'm very lucky, there are a lot) who keep me on the straight and narrow (well, they've tried....that petulant streak is quite strong y'know!), they all tell me I'm worth more than feeling like this. That I'm worthy of being treated with respect and love and care. And do you know what...? I might be on my way to believing them.

Well, I've thought a lot about this over the last few weeks and now's the time to say 'I think that's enough now.....'

So LJ, you want to know where the real Michelle has gone? And when she'll be back? Well, buckle up, because I think the petulant, gobby, feisty teenage version of me is about to make a come-back........Its about time.